I've been wondering about the music playing at the Physical Therapy room this past week, along with analyzing the skylights and how all those things might have been designed to help the healing experience. One of the songs today was "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Long before someone came up with the rest of the lyrics, Nietzsche coined the introductory phrase, probably in some extreme philosophical situation that I am too tired and in too much pain to look up. To an extent, I think it is true. We have all had those traumatic events in our lives, or if not traumatic, at the least, stressful, painful, or hurtful. And, many of us have weathered those events, learned from them, and achieved personal growth as a result.
Now, true, there are also events of suffering that just plain tax us and teach us not much of anything, because we are tired of the suffering and trying to find meaning in it. I certainly don't put my level of suffering, pain, discomfort, and all the varying levels in between this week on a par with the suffering of war, bondage, torture, severe illness, or others of that ilk. I think we are often too willing to minimize our pain and hurt because we think it not of consequence when compared with the grand scheme of the world's pain and hurt. I am okay with placing things in perspective, and I use that as a way of managing thoughts and emotions. I am also okay with just acknowledging that something hurts, regardless of where it falls on the "importance" scale of the universe.
I had already had that rough evening last night, but woke up doing well after the first night of sleeping all the way through the night, and determined to continue pressing on. When in the first 10 minutes of therapy, I wanted to throw a temper tantrum, refuse to move that heel any closer to my "buttocks" which could only occur by bending the knee, because that is how painful it was, hearing "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" did not make me motivated to Rocky my way up the steps of the Lyceum or run the bleachers of Vaught, it made me want to yank the speakers out of the wall.
Pain will do that to you. I keep thinking of one of my favorite Tommy Lee Jones lines from a movie, "I'm not having any fun here. You know how cranky I get when I'm not having fun." Tonight, I don't want to "be stronger" or achieve personal growth; I want to have some fun, which tonight could be as simple as not feeling like every bone in my leg has been rolled through the wringer on those old-fashioned washing machines--which by the way, for their time were a marvelous new time saver.
To end on a positive note however, note my spiffy new laptop bed desk: Some women get flowers and candy and jewelry. R really knows the key to my heart though: feed my computer needs.