Clearly, given the length of time since that last delirious post about every day should be so much fun, and this post, there has not been a lot of fun having around Lottabusha. In fact, things rather started going immediately downhilll from that point forward.
Ever the pronoid, I just kept saying "it will pass" and doing that thing I do about trying to make meaning and learning and growth out of things that happen, use it for benefit, and wait for the upturn. All the long laundry list of "and then..." and "what happened next..." really is never the point when I am not moving past the impasse. Oh, of course I whine, or cry, or feel despondent, or experience anger, or whatever the actual appropriate feeling is. I am a firm believer in the philosophy that feeling feelings is important in the ability to move through them (note, not "get over them", but move through them--different); and, not just feeling them, but naming them, describing them, and understanding them, and the connections they have to our thinking and our behavior. Because at heart, humans are complex and our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions are related. Changing any or all of those domains affects the other domains, because humans are also systems, interacting with our environmental systems and all the other people and events in our systems.
Even when we understand feelings, and what causes them or supports their continued existence, or connections between all of our domains, it can be difficult to be ready to move to new thoughts and behaviors. That's why change is so difficult. And, the more stressors that impact our lives, the greater the challenges to coping are for us. It is one of the reasons poor people, or people who are systematically and regularly oppressed in any fashion, have worse physical and mental health than people with access to resources and support and inclusion and acceptance and opportunity. Frankly, it's just a grind to have to cope with one hit after another and they pile up, taxing our resilience even more.
So, my absence is a bit of an indication of those series of hits piling up, and zapping resilience. Most of the time, experiencing difficulties--once I work through them in my fashion--have enabled me to have greater compassion for the experiences of others, and greater depth of understanding for why it is so hard for some people, along with a dose of acknowledgement and thankfulness for my blessings, and the awareness that I could be standing hip deep in fish guts in a freezing processing room.
In the midst of those episodes when it is hard to acknowledge painful things, and the desire to just mentally or emotionally check out for a while, there are usually indications that things might be looking up, that just perhaps, the "this too shall pass" is about to transpire.
It brings the joy of hope back into our lives, and the thought and belief that we might just make it after all. Life is, if nothing else, a series of challenges. The opportunity is what we do with it and where we opt to go. It's not that there is only one right choice, or even one best choice, because the reality is that whatever choice, it will bring with it a series of choices as well.
Our experiences teach us to expect something good behind that closed door, or to avoid opening it for fear of what might be there. Even when we have "learned" Open the Door! Open the Door! It's good stuff! there is always the possibility that it won't be. For me, the challenge when it's not what we want behind the door has been to re-imagine it until it becomes the good stuff--Not Pollyanna good stuff, but something that I do not need to fear, and something that I am confident I will be able to manage, one way or the other.
What's behind the door for you--the Lady, or the Tiger?
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