More and more these days, it is a struggle to do that: I'm tired, and tired of having to deal with unkind people who give not a whit for whom they hurt; tired of people who feel such a sense of entitlement that they think they can do anything and it is okay; tired of people who feel such a sense of entitlement that they see no reason to demonstrate accountability, knowledge, skill; tired of people who abuse power in ways that harm others.
Several years ago, I had the opportunity to spend 5 weeks on St. Paul Island, providing behavioral health services to the community. It was a time when I felt that my clinical skills and training served me well, in allowing me to be of service to a community without a behavioral health provider at the time. Though it was difficult, it was also rewarding, and infinitely of benefit. It was the kind of "difficulty" that one can embrace in terms of learning and personal growth. It was a life-saver to me, giving me a brief respite from what had become a very toxic environment, and the opportunity to search both within myself, and outside of myself for greater understanding, growth, and learn to live with that toxicity in a way that did not kill me, and ultimately allow me to triumph over it.
I'm trying to imagine what R or M would say in this situation.
counting the graces
thank you father
for red birds outside my window
two surviving baby kittens
my sister who cares selflessly for our parents, and is willing to take care of Randy's father as well
friends who have my back and friends who stab me in the back
the painful opportunity to remain in the inquiry and not in the circumstances
the fact that I can always choose, even when I am tired, and even when there are consequences
that it will always turn out.